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Headhunters: The Thirsty Thirteen
Introduction Bad Boys continues to do the fantasy equivalent of "edging," getting as close as he can to blowing his top without actually losing his head. This week's showdown was absolutely insane. Bad Boy's Preston Williams was sacked (yes, a WR was sacked) but thanks to an input error by Commish when organizing the league, sacks are only worth -0.05 points. In the LOC Shared Universe, sacks are typically -0.5. But since the error wasn't noticed until week two, it was too late to make any changes. Therefore, Bad Boys escapes by a sack hair length. And instead we say goodbye to.... In Memorium: Out of Luck (AKA Papa's Posse) Currently sitting in sixth place, Out of Luck has the strongest roster yet of an eliminated team. But Out of Luck forgot a cardinal rule of fantasy: don't overthink it. And that's exactly what they did. They got cute with their defenses and QBs, at one point rostering three of each. Then they gambled wrong on both positions and it cost them the game. On Thursday night, Papa chose to bench Carson Wentz (32.73) in favor of Russell Wilson (23.98) on Sunday. And they (and this is the one I really don't get) decided to bench Minnesota defense against a Chicago Bears team that has had one good game, and that was against the 0-4 Redskins, AKA the Dolphins of the NFC. Sure enough, Minnesota outscored the Rams defense. Elsewhere, it was a disappointing day for Julio Jones (9.98) and new acquisition DJ Moore, who now hits waivers for the third time. People have already begun asking: Is DJ Moore cursed?? George Kittle and Jamison Crowder, both decent fantasy starts, were both on the bye. The one thing this team never really had was a decent RB group, and that's what many teams need at this point in the competition. Those squads will have to wait another week as Bad Boy's RB-stud Alvin Kamara gave the team JUST enough to escape elimination on Sunday night football. It came down to the very last carry. Per sources close to Out of Luck front office, Papa is at peace with the elimination and looks forward to having one less fantasy team to stress about moving forward. It's not even fair for me to use an "out of luck" pun here. The fruit is hanging too low. So instead I'll just say so long to our elder statesman and best of luck next year. Out of Luck: New Releases This week the group of wide receivers is DEEP deep, with two formidable WR1s, two arguable WR2s, and a TE1 in the top five. #Julio Jones #Tyler Lockett #George Kittle #Allen Robinson #DJ Moore ($179/$138) Week Four Bidding Results Bid Bullets: *Davante Adams...holy fucking shit. I did say last week (and I quote): "Chris P has a weakspot, and thy name is Davante Adams. It could be a big spending week for the league's top squad." I guess when I said "big" I didn't know we were talking Nick-Foles-Dick-Size big. Too bad he's not going to play this week. *Wrath dropped bank on a pair of middling RBs, one of whom is hurt, but Wrath performed a LOT better this week and at least Michel and Williams are better investments than Jordan Reed. *Two bids were won on waiver priority clause, so maybe I should explain it: if a bid is tied, the team that has the lower season-long point total will win the bid (aka waiver order by reverse standings). *Imagine being the idiot who spent $55 on Paul Richardson? Oh well, his matchup has to be better this week. Who do the Redskins play this week?? Your Financial Portfolio *Best Investor: Guilloteam *Worst Investor: Kupp for Your Kobb Week Four Results * Biggest Climber: Wrath of Saquon (up 11 spots) * Biggest Faller: Out of Luck (down 12 spots) Narrow Defeats Here is a brand new weekly chart showing the margin of defeat for last place teams. Kings of the Castle # Chris P's Neat Team - The Pain Train keeps rolling for Ol' Crispy P. It wasn't one of their best weeks, and if Davante misses extended time their big investment could prove costly in more ways than one. # Al Snow's Fav Squad - The man has made it another week without spending a single cent in this league. That could change this week as their trademark $69 bid is now almost too high for some of the remaining teams to match! They still scored in the top half of HH and they had Aaron Rodgers on their bench. Also, in the year 2019, Aaron Rodgers is being benched for Daniel Jones. Unreal. # Bobecue Chicken - Kyler Murray hasn't produced a win yet in 2019, but the dude throws the ball a fucking ton. He's averaging 42.25 tosses a game. In comparison, Kirk Cousins has only thrown the ball 99 times all season (24.75 per game). All that to say Bobecue can put up fantasy numbers with their bird-heavy brigade, and they appear to be doing so. Good news for them: Arizona doesn't hit the bye until week 12. # Cam Shaft - Frequent dungeon dweller Cam Shaft has quietly assembled a decent team for less than half their FAAB. They might have gotten a significant boost from Nick Chubb this week, but their WR corp of Cooks, Edelman, Chark and Jeffery would be a decent group even in a 10-teamer. Look for Cam to try and shore up that TE spot this week. # Bluedevils - As bad a purchase as this guy Devin Smith has been (0.00 points is bad in a PPR in America, right?), at least Wayne Gallman has already been worth the spend at 32.48 FPS in just one week. Bluedevils pulled off a meager but sufficient 151.64 this week without Mahomes blowing the doors off the NFL and with Adam Thielen only outscoring Adam Sandler by 2.60 points. It will be an RB-heavy week for Bluedevils with two members of their three tight end set on the bye. On the Chopping Block # Henry VIII - Things are getting worse and worse for Henry as they get left behind by the pack of bid-war winners. They've yet to land a big name free agent and their gambles on low-end WR's such as Parris Cambell and Paul Richardson have not paid off. HOWEVAH, they do get Melvin Gordon this week which is a game changer. Benching AJ Brown, who finally blew up this week, almost KO'ed Henry's chances in this league. # Bad Boys - How many times is this man going to escape death? Bad Boy Indiana Jones'ed his way to week five with just two players meeting/exceeding projections. Third Leg Greg finally laid an egg and it continues to amaze me that we're so desperate for RB help that we're starting Darren Sproles in the year 2019. Getting McLaurin back will be a huge boost to this team but they need flex help stat! # DogTheKareemHunter - The team has consistently performed just above the cut-off threshold and considering how much they've spent they should be up there with the Al Snow's of the world. Five surviving teams have more than triple Dog's current remaining budget. # Philip's Team - This fucking guy. Watch his ass bid half his budget on Julio Jones and George Kittle and finish in first place. For the record, we have had contact with the elusive Philip and he has informed me that he has purposefully not made any lineup changes. I don't know if this is some sort of philip-sophical stand that he's making about the futility of trying in fantasy football, some sort of affront to the fantasy gods, or just an experiment to show how far a team can make it by doing absolutely nothing. We'll see how dedicated they are to their craft if they leave Kenyan Drake on their starting roster for week five. One thing is for sure, if they choose to start actually playing they have $1,000 left to spend and that is scary. # Neck-Fix and Chill - No team in the league has had worse QB luck than Neck-Fix. First they lose Drew Brees, then Case Keenum gets benched. Essentially, they've won half their games with no QB. They look good next week with no essentials on their bye. Average Scores of Eliminated Teams Remaining Budget Bye Weeks *Detroit Lions *Miami Dolphins This week the trend continues of teams on the bye that no one really cares about. Starting next week we move to 4 teams a week and things will begin to get spooky just in time for Halloween. HAPPY BIDDING!